For What it's Worth

Aira-chan has been bugging me to post something for a while now...so I've finally decided to post something (even thought I promised to have this up two days ago.... -.-). It's just a little writing I did for school, but I've just decided to share it with everyone who reads this (everyone meaning, all 1 of you who read this xDD) because I love writing (and because nothing interesting enough happens in my life for me to blog about it). So, here it is. But before you read, please look at the warning xP

Title: For What it's Worth
Fandom: None.
Prompt: #12 ~ Hurt from 25 Fluffy Fics Prompt Table
Summary: Is it worth it? Is it worth it to think of you when I want someone to sit by my side? Is it worth the effort to hope for you to be the one to give my a shoulder to cry on when my world starts falling apart?

Disclaimer: I own everything except two lines, which belong to Junsu and Jaejong from DBSK/TVXQ/Tohoshinki (at least I think it was them...well, it was from this video [link])
Warning: extreme sappy-ness xP

For What it's Worth

I pull my knees to my chest and wrap my arms around them. From my spot on the sidewalk at the front of the school, the moon shines bright, as do that stars; but the cold is ever prevalent. As the wind picks up and blows through the trees, I feel myself shiver. It is at times like these, when I want you to come up from behind and wrap your coat around me. But I know you won't.

You never will.

So I hold myself as I shake, my poor, vain attempt to keep myself warm.

 

But is it worth it? Is it worth it to think of you when I want someone to sit by my side? Is it worth the effort to hope for you to be the one to give my a shoulder to cry on when my world starts falling apart?

If you were anyone else, I would say, “No, it is not.”

 

How long has it been, do you know?

Far too long.

Almost as many years as I have fingers. You know, I've watched you grow up; and even after all these years, I've been invisible to your eyes. To you, I have been nothing more than part of the landscape, just another person in the background. Everyday, as I walk past you, I look up and hope you would at least spare me a passing glance; but you won't even give me that.

I'm always left disappointed.

Do you notice the dark rings under my eyes?

Probably not.

I spend all my nights awake, just thinking about you; it's only when I cry myself to sleep that I finally find rest; but even then, I am plagued by the harsh reality that is mine. When I wake up hours before dawn, I find my pillow damp with tears. Are all these sleepless nights worth it?

I want to say, “No, they're all put to waste,” but I can't.

When will you realize, that when you're in a deep, peaceful sleep, I'm out under the stars thinking about you? You know, I always find myself sitting at the same spot every night, hoping that maybe one day, you will find me there.

But that's all I can do. Hope.

I've given up expecting things from you. From now on, I won't wait for you to be there to laugh with me; I won't trust you to be there to comfort me when I'm sad.

I've just been disappointed one too many times.

But what happened to 'then'? What happened to that time you took my had in yours, and led me onto the dance floor? Have you already forgotten that moment, when we held each other and swayed back and forth to the beat of the music?

I wouldn't be surprised if you did.

I know that I will remember that instant forever, even if you don't; but is it even worth remembering?

To me it is.


All this care you've given me has been nothing but false hope. In truth, I have all the reason to hate you, but I couldn't , even if I tried. At the end of the day, I can only hate myself.

Why did I have to fall in love with you?

You'd agree, wouldn't you? If you knew all this, you would think I'm pathetic; I know I do. But even so, I don't want your pity or your guilt. I want just one thing of you.

I hope that you will recognize my feelings just a little.

To save me from all the wavering emotions I'm feeling.

I rest my head on my knees. Tears are beginning to blur my vision as I feel my throat constrict. I bite my lip to silence my sobs, but then I wonder if it's even worth the effort.

You won't hear them either way.

But then I feel a warm hand grip my shoulder, and when I turn around, I find myself memorized, gazing into your eyes. Under the dim light shining from the street lamp, I can see your warms smile, and I wonder to myself, is this a dream?

I don't want to wake up in tears again.

But then you sit down besides me, and speak. “Hey, are you okay?” I feel something warm fall over my trembling frame and an arm pull me to you, and I smile.

“I will be...now...”

I lean my head on your shoulder, and as my eyes slowly begin to close, I hear you whisper one last thing to me before I am enveloped by sleep.

“Thank you for opening your heart to me"

It was all worth it after all...